Authentic self in relationships

If you’re going to find genuine happiness in a relationship, it’s essential that you present the most authentic version of yourself. Building a life with someone means sharing everything with them, and that includes your true unfiltered personality. In other words bring your authentic self into the relationship(s).

This being said, it’s all too common for people to hide aspects of their personality or adopt new traits in order to please a partner.  This is particularly relevant in the early days of a blossoming romance, when the desire to be loved can cloud your true opinions, interests and values.

The problem with this is that by doing this, you are projecting a false version of yourself to your partner.  At some point it’s likely that the charade will drop or the pressure to keep it up will hinder your wellbeing in the long term.

Here are a few reasons why it is more beneficial to behave in your most authentic way from day one – for yourself and your partner’s sake – in order to forge a relationship that is built on honesty and comfort. Thereby bringing ‘your authentic self into the relationship(s)’.

Being false is exhausting

Firstly, it takes a lot of mental energy to behave in a way that doesn’t come naturally to you. Eventually you could even end up burning out because of it.

Pretending to be interested in something to impress another person may seem like a good way of winning their respect or affection, but unless it’s something that you genuinely think that you’ll grow to enjoy, it’ is likely to come back to bite you. The same goes for adapting your personality. Imagine how tiring it could get pretending to be someone who loves a life of hedonism when really you’d rather be curled up in front of the TV with a cuppa?

Being authentic in front of your partner should create a stronger bond and sometimes it’s even your differences that could be what makes the relationship really work.

Honesty is the best policy

It may sound like a cliche, but honesty really is the best policy. Save yourself the trouble later down the line and be truthful about your interests, opinions, values and traits. It’s far better to build a connection based on genuine shared interests – or even your differences – than to create a false version of yourself for somebody else’s benefit.

How can you form a genuine bond with a person if you’re not showing them the real you?If it were to come out that you had been presenting a false version of yourself, they probably won’t appreciate the fact that you have lied to them.

It will improve your self esteem

When you stop compromising yourself to be the person you think somebody wants you to be, you’ll learn to accept and love the person you truly are. You will probably find that you feel more comfortable in your own skin and there’s nothing that will boost your confidence more than realising that your partner loves you for the person you truly are.

By living by your core values, you’ll feel more satisfied by life and grateful for the things that you have and the people you surround yourself with.

Your partner will be authentic in return

If you present your most authentic self in the relationship, hopefully your partner will offer the same in return, and that’s essential both for your  happiness. After all, you want to truly know the person you are with, and not an edited version that they’ve crafted for your benefit. Nothing will bring you more contentment in a relationship than knowing that you both feel comfortable being yourself around each other. 

In the same manner that you wouldn’t want to be judged by your partner, they won’t want to be judged by you. Show them that you love them for the person they are and that you don’t expect them to behave in a certain manner to please you.

Furthermore, allow them the space to express themselves and deal with their feelings in whatever way they feel most comfortable. This could be that they need alone time on the odd occasion, or perhaps they thrive off the company of others. Either way, respect their needs.

Keeping it real and authentic isn’t always easy, but honesty is one of the fundamental building blocks of a great relationship.  Hence, if you’re being inauthentic then you’re not being 100% honest with that person. For both of your sake’s, remove the mask and express yourself in a way that you feel happiest and most authentic to yourself. Your partner will thank you for bring your authentic self to that relationship and it’s likely you’ll feel more connected to that person than ever before too.

You can read more about authenticity in my new book ‘Behind the Mask’, which is available now on

It can also be found on Amazon both in kindle and paperback versions

For further information call Andrée on 0845 6182879 or 07702 818665  email